dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
