You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
