you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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