just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We left an ass print on the piano.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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