There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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