the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
