I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
