Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
