I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
