Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
COCAINE IS GR8
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
