I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
