I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
