i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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