Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize