I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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