apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
