My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
