I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
