hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
