i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I wish I only lived at night.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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