i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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