Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
