How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
