I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
