they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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