At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
