hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
