Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
