ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
