you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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