She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
