And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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