I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
