i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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