I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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