What did we do last night that was yellow?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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