I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
