Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
