so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize