Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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