Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
