I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
