Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
