Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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