I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
