I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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