Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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