i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
