she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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