it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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