holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize