I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize