Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
