the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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