apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
