If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
