I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
