Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
