just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
