Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
