What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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