sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
