so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
