Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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