My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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