Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
