You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize