i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
