I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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