No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
