You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
