Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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