farters have to be the big spoon...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize