end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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