Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
