If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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