That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
