I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
