no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's never too late to be topless.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
