I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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