Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize