how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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