Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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