we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
