he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
