textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
