I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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