drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize