We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
