ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
