Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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