I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
