My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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