sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
