the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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