M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
