btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
