I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
