Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize