My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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