tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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