My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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