What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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