The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize