At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
