respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
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