I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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