so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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