yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
