dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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