she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
